if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize