What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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