my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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