somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
