I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
