so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
