they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Are my feet made of real feet?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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