Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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