the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
