this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I didn't notice because vodka
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
