I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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