Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
