dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
