Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
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