he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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