This is not my ceiling
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
