youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
