I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
