I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I see more hoeing in ur future
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