He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
