They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
