peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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