Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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