I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
