not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
