I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
