you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
