I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
