Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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