areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
