At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize