True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
