I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize