He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
