He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
