Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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