You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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