Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
