Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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