Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
