Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
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They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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