It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
