I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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