found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
