You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
