If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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