We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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