Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
