your parents love me but you hate me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
