In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
