So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
