as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
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I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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