I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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