i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
