And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
