dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
