tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
