If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
