you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
