Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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