Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
