What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
