sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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