I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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