I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
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They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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