he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
