update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
