dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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