She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
