I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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