Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
