fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
