He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
