sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
