Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
