so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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