Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
